When i put my book down,
Leave my email's and phone alone,
Where am i where do i live now
Because my body's not my home
When i look, look to myself
I see blue eye's and skin of health
But looking further i see a bloated ego
Real feelings don't get through, too feeble
I live through email, i live through phone
To stop emotions hitting home
I know they'll hurt and so i hide
I drown myself in words and lie's
But when it's over and i have to think
And i fight the tears through endless blinks
I sit alone upon my bed
With countless story's running through my head
I sit exposed with no-where to hide
So in my poems i do confide
P.S again not about me
By J
Monday, 29 November 2010
Monday, 11 October 2010
Colour blind
My stomach sinks
I'm out of place,
I don't belong here
But where is my place
I'm deaf to the laughs,
And blind to the giggles
But i can still feel the pain
And sense all the snigger's
I'm sat in my seat doing my work,
They're not , they're laughing at me, they know that I'm hurt
Sir runs in about all the riot
He just turns to me even though i was quiet
He shoots me a look and one that's not nice,
It cuts right through me just like a knife
He's not shouting he's trying to be gracious
That's why he shoots me a look loaded with accusation
I hate the ones who feel they're brighter
Because their skin colour is slightly lighter,
They don't care that they're making me lose my sanity
They just want to nurse their own vanity
That's why i always wish i could i could find
Just one friend who's colour blind
P.S I did this for a English project i actually have fair skin but i do believe that racist's are like bully's. And are the lowest form of life and i don't believe they should never be refereed to as people because they don't show (i believe to be) the most important emotion of all... love.
By J
I'm out of place,
I don't belong here
But where is my place
I'm deaf to the laughs,
And blind to the giggles
But i can still feel the pain
And sense all the snigger's
I'm sat in my seat doing my work,
They're not , they're laughing at me, they know that I'm hurt
Sir runs in about all the riot
He just turns to me even though i was quiet
He shoots me a look and one that's not nice,
It cuts right through me just like a knife
He's not shouting he's trying to be gracious
That's why he shoots me a look loaded with accusation
I hate the ones who feel they're brighter
Because their skin colour is slightly lighter,
They don't care that they're making me lose my sanity
They just want to nurse their own vanity
That's why i always wish i could i could find
Just one friend who's colour blind
P.S I did this for a English project i actually have fair skin but i do believe that racist's are like bully's. And are the lowest form of life and i don't believe they should never be refereed to as people because they don't show (i believe to be) the most important emotion of all... love.
By J
Saturday, 18 September 2010
Sunday, 22 August 2010
I'm normal really
How do you know if your depressed? I mean i'm not an Emo or goth. I'm happy and i joke with friends, but my art work (which i'm not very good at anyway) is depressing. They are on the right the first one (sweet death) symbolises the way power station's are killing us slowly but produce somthing we love (electricity) thinking about i should have put somthing like blood insted of chocolate, but i'm only a amuture if that. 
The second (Heart-felt) show's the down's of love, the tears are of blood which is the rich red liquid of the heart, the iris is dark blue and slightly purple, colours we associate with the cold and in the case the cold and numbness of the heart. The rose reflected in the pupil is the flower of love, the colour is darker to show the relationship is going through dark time at the moment. The last is very nice it show's global warming and how the fumes from cars are killing lot's of unborn children. But the main reason i put the last one on is because it's soo depressing, i did when i was angry one morning but still that's bad even for me. Please don't laugh at my weird pic's.
The second (Heart-felt) show's the down's of love, the tears are of blood which is the rich red liquid of the heart, the iris is dark blue and slightly purple, colours we associate with the cold and in the case the cold and numbness of the heart. The rose reflected in the pupil is the flower of love, the colour is darker to show the relationship is going through dark time at the moment. The last is very nice it show's global warming and how the fumes from cars are killing lot's of unborn children. But the main reason i put the last one on is because it's soo depressing, i did when i was angry one morning but still that's bad even for me. Please don't laugh at my weird pic's.
Thursday, 12 August 2010
Umm... i don't know ... acting
Sorry i've not written but my life is soo boring i couldn't write it without falling asleep and i dout anyone could read it without trying to chew through any chain's and running away (probaby screaming 'why'). But i do want to write down this one thing that passed my mind a while back. Well here's somthing i can write about: for all of the time i've known what an actress is i've wanted to be one, i've wanted this with my heart soul brain and entire being. I just want to be famous once whether it be on a rubbish sickcom (the type you can only bring yourself to whatch when you've just got up and can't/don't want to find the remote) or in a amazing new hit film as the lead. Some of my friends say that it's shallow to want fame and that i should want somthing more deep and meaningfull (i dout that's spelt right but you know what i mean) but it is. Don't think about the one minute of fame think about what it represents, because it's totally normal to want to be good at somthing you enjoy everyone's had that feeling so if you've ever felt like 'oh i wish i was good at golf like mick' then take that feeling times it by about oh i don't know 9000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
and you still will only just come up to about one fith of how i feel permanently, because that minute of fame means that finally i'm as good as people who i see on my TV and to me that would be amazing. But recently i've had to come to term's with the fact that even though i've got my whole life to go i might never reach that level and though i dout i'll ever stop trying, the sooner i come to terms with that harsh reality the sooner i can figure out what else i might want to do. Because i've never been able to figure what else i might want to do because to me, not being an actress is to hurtfull to absorb that as soon as i think it, my mind just gose into a worrying, deep, untameable mood of depression. I would ask my friends for help but i'm soo irrational when it come to failing in this feild that they would hate me within a minute. I don't know why i can't get my acting of the ground unless i'm not good at it which is another problem because with everything else like maths you can test yourself look at your score and say oh i need to learn more on this or that or anything else but with acting all you can do are your graded exams which i can never realy work from. well goodbye for now speak to you soon.
By J
and you still will only just come up to about one fith of how i feel permanently, because that minute of fame means that finally i'm as good as people who i see on my TV and to me that would be amazing. But recently i've had to come to term's with the fact that even though i've got my whole life to go i might never reach that level and though i dout i'll ever stop trying, the sooner i come to terms with that harsh reality the sooner i can figure out what else i might want to do. Because i've never been able to figure what else i might want to do because to me, not being an actress is to hurtfull to absorb that as soon as i think it, my mind just gose into a worrying, deep, untameable mood of depression. I would ask my friends for help but i'm soo irrational when it come to failing in this feild that they would hate me within a minute. I don't know why i can't get my acting of the ground unless i'm not good at it which is another problem because with everything else like maths you can test yourself look at your score and say oh i need to learn more on this or that or anything else but with acting all you can do are your graded exams which i can never realy work from. well goodbye for now speak to you soon.
By J
Wednesday, 21 July 2010
Music, sort of
I've not written in ages and it's not because i've been busy or because i've not got round to it, It's because (If i'm being honest) i don't feel like doing anything but putting music on and thats realy weird because i've never been into music but now i'm into rock and depressing stuff. I love the fire and ice poem which as my friend rightly pointed out is depressing. But i'm not depressed or emo because i don't self harm and i can get myself up in the morning. I see no point in taking out pain on myself if it's been inflicteds on me by a person who is not me or my family but insted i think the pain that im being put through will one day be inflicted on them. And my friend are always around so if i do let my mean side out for one second they will see that i'm soooooooo nasty under the parsona i keep as the person who is me just alot nicer than if i just let go of my tounge and just let the meen hurtfull comment's just trickel out of my mouth builing up into millons of people signing up to the 'let's kill that 'freaking' hag' web page.
By J
By J
Monday, 17 May 2010
Read this if you want to know anything bout me
Hi,
Have you ever wonderd who would spend a year of there life doing somthing they hate because there family need's the money or because it's right many pepole say why would someone spend there life doing somthing which will help but not do anything that will provale when it come's to money or recognition. I alway's knew why they would do this, because it enriched there life gave it deepth and made it stronger. but lately i'm wondering if that's what i would want which it should be but i think that i don't know if i want to help people because people have never realy helped me much when i try to justify our existence. Humanity is plaged with people who act as leeches of thruth because they try to cover up there own insecuritys by trying to hurt people. Those people suck the trust straight out of people. Those people who we call 'bully's' are simply and truly scum nothing more than the lowest form of life, nothing is lower. Nothing. Those people will one day fall of there throne and as soon as they catch there own reflection they will see how ugly they are. Those people will never have a true friend or a meaningfull conversation. And that knowledge is one of the only thing's which alllow me to sleep at night.
By J
Have you ever wonderd who would spend a year of there life doing somthing they hate because there family need's the money or because it's right many pepole say why would someone spend there life doing somthing which will help but not do anything that will provale when it come's to money or recognition. I alway's knew why they would do this, because it enriched there life gave it deepth and made it stronger. but lately i'm wondering if that's what i would want which it should be but i think that i don't know if i want to help people because people have never realy helped me much when i try to justify our existence. Humanity is plaged with people who act as leeches of thruth because they try to cover up there own insecuritys by trying to hurt people. Those people suck the trust straight out of people. Those people who we call 'bully's' are simply and truly scum nothing more than the lowest form of life, nothing is lower. Nothing. Those people will one day fall of there throne and as soon as they catch there own reflection they will see how ugly they are. Those people will never have a true friend or a meaningfull conversation. And that knowledge is one of the only thing's which alllow me to sleep at night.
By J
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