Umm... i don't know ... acting

Sorry i've not written but my life is soo boring i couldn't write it without falling asleep and i dout anyone could read it without trying to chew through any chain's and running away (probaby screaming 'why'). But i do want to write down this one thing that passed my mind a while back. Well here's somthing i can write about: for all of the time i've known what an actress is i've wanted to be one, i've wanted this with my heart soul brain and entire being. I just want to be famous once whether it be on a rubbish sickcom (the type you can only bring yourself to whatch when you've just got up and can't/don't want to find the remote) or in a amazing new hit film as the lead. Some of my friends say that it's shallow to want fame and that i should want somthing more deep and meaningfull (i dout that's spelt right but you know what i mean) but it is. Don't think about the one minute of fame think about what it represents, because it's totally normal to want to be good at somthing you enjoy everyone's had that feeling so if you've ever felt like 'oh i wish i was good at golf like mick' then take that feeling times it by about oh i don't know 9000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
and you still will only just come up to about one fith of how i feel permanently, because that minute of fame means that finally i'm as good as people who i see on my TV and to me that would be amazing. But recently i've had to come to term's with the fact that even though i've got my whole life to go i might never reach that level and though i dout i'll ever stop trying, the sooner i come to terms with that harsh reality the sooner i can figure out what else i might want to do. Because i've never been able to figure what else i might want to do because to me, not being an actress is to hurtfull to absorb that as soon as i think it, my mind just gose into a worrying, deep, untameable mood of depression. I would ask my friends for help but i'm soo irrational when it come to failing in this feild that they would hate me within a minute. I don't know why i can't get my acting of the ground unless i'm not good at it which is another problem because with everything else like maths you can test yourself look at your score and say oh i need to learn more on this or that or anything else but with acting all you can do are your graded exams which i can never realy work from. well goodbye for now speak to you soon.

By J